Beyond Words
by sidhefaerie
Summary: A Drabble-Shot. Each drabble is prompted by a word that carries the story forward. This is a reincarnation angst filled story.
1. Chapter 1

**"Beyond Words" Gen Merlin (Modern AU) K+ **

Characters/Pairings: Merlin, Freya, Arthur/Gwen, Morgana  
Rating/Warnings: K+  
Genre: Gen  
Universe: Modern AU

~Macabre~  
"Beyond Words: 1. The Shores of Time" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: gruesome and horrifying; ghastly; horrible; of, pertaining to, dealing with, or representing death, especially its grimmer or uglier aspect

~Haunting~  
"Beyond Words: 2. Faces" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: remaining in the consciousness; not quickly forgotten

~Remorse~  
"Beyond Words: 3. Centuries of Regret " Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: a sense of deep regret and guilt for some misdeed

~Forlorn~  
"Beyond Words: 4. Tearful Moments" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: lonely and sad; forsaken, bereft; despairing

~Crestfallen~  
"Beyond Words: 5. A Locked Soul" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: dejected; dispirited; discouraged

~Gloomy~  
"Beyond Words: 6. Dark Of Night" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: dark or dim; deeply shaded; dismal or depressing; hopeless or despairing; pessimistic

~Luminous~  
"Beyond Words: 7. Magick On The Water" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: radiating or reflecting light; shining; bright; brilliant intellectually; enlightened or enlightening

~Diabolic~  
"Beyond Words: 8. Wicked?" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: having the qualities of a devil; devilish; fiendish; outrageously wicked

~Mystical~  
"Beyond Words: 9. The Sacred Lake" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: having a divine or sacred significance that surpasses natural human apprehension; having occult or metaphysical significance, nature, or force

~Ethereal~  
"Beyond Words: 10. Lady of the Lake" Gen Merlin, Freya (Modern AU)  
Definition: light, airy, or tenuous; heavenly or celestial

~Exquisite~  
"Beyond Words: 11. Eternal Bond" Gen Merlin, Freya (Modern AU)  
Definition: of special beauty or charm, or rare and appealing excellence; intense; acute, or keen, as pleasure or pain

~Delicate~  
"Beyond Words: 12. In His Heart" Gen Merlin, Freya (Modern AU)  
Definition: fragile; easily damaged; frail; fine in texture, quality, construction, etc.; so fine as to be scarcely perceptible; subtle

~Fascinate~  
"Beyond Words: 13. Vision, Dream or Nightmare?" Gen Merlin, Freya (Modern AU)  
Definition: to attract and hold attentively by a unique power, personal charm, unusual nature, or some other special quality; enthrall

~Passionate~  
"Beyond Words: 14. Impassioned Plea" Gen Merlin, Freya (Modern AU)  
Definition: intense or vehement, as emotions or feelings; fervid; easily aroused to or influenced by sexual desire; ardently sensual

~Surrender~  
"Beyond Words: 15. The Lady Returns" Gen Merlin, Freya (Modern AU)  
Definition: to yield oneself/something to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress; to give oneself up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.

~Penetrate~  
"Beyond Words: 16. To Find A King" Gen Merlin (Modern AU)  
Definition: to pierce or pass into or through; to arrive at the truth or meaning of; understand; comprehend

~Devotion~  
"Beyond Words: 17. Search And Found " Gen Merlin, Arthur (Modern AU)  
Definition: profound dedication; consecration; earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.

~Magnetic~  
"Beyond Words: 18. Duty And Leadership" Gen Merlin, Arthur (Modern AU)  
Definition: exerting a strong attractive power or charm

]~Imperious~  
"Beyond Words: 19. Once A King…" Gen Merlin, Arthur/Gwen (Modern AU)  
Definition: domineering in a haughty manner; dictatorial; overbearing

~Wistful~  
"Beyond Words: 20. What Might Have Been" Gen Merlin, Arthur/Gwen (Modern AU)

Definition: pensive, especially in a melancholy way; longing; yearning


	2. The Shores Of Time (Macabre)

**The Shores of Time (Macabre)**

Merlin sat in the same spot that he had stood when he watched the boat with Arthur's body sail to Avalon. He had just started to remember all the macabre things that had happened in his past life. All the lives he had taken and all the gruesome ways he had done it. He had done it all for Albion and Arthur.

Merlin wondered what it was all for. So many had died for Albion, he wondered if it was all in vain. Arthur died before he could even see what he had dreamed become reality. It didn't seem fair.

When the memories started to return, he was drawn here to the place where Arthur's journey had ended and Albion's had begun. He had no idea why but he sat and looked out and remembered in horrifying detail every death that had brought them to this shore on that day.

The past was haunting him


	3. Faces (Haunting)

**Faces (Haunting)**  
As Merlin sat on the shores of the lake of Avalon, it wasn't just the deaths of those that he killed that were haunting him. In the water, he could see the faces of those he loved.

Even in this lifetime, he had suffered loss but the ones that haunted him the most were the ones from the past. He saw the two women he had loved. Freya and Morgana would always haunt him. They were what should have been and what could have been.

Gwen haunted him in a different way. She had been his friend and he had let her down. He remembered the day he finally faced her after Arthur's death. The look on her face will forever be seared on his heart.

He was filled with a great sense of remorse.


	4. Centuries Of Regret (Remorse)

**Centuries Of Regret (Remorse)**  
It really didn't matter to Merlin that what he was feeling was from centuries ago. The guilt was just as fresh as if it was yesterday.

His past life was affecting him now in the present. He felt remorse for all of those past deeds. It was deep and nearly overwhelming. He felt a need to make it all right.

He knew in his head there was no way to change the past but in his heart he still wished he could. He wished to tell them all how sorry he was for the things that he had done and for the things he had let happen.

He sat there with his head in his hand, forlorn and near tears.


	5. Tearful Moments (Forlorn)

**Tearful Moments (Forlorn)**  
Keeping the secret of his magick made Merlin feel isolated. He had walked a lonely path in his past life. He could remember times when all he wanted to do was shout it from the highest peak but he knew that would mean certain death.

He remembered and the tears started to flow. Even in this life, he was forlorn but it wasn't because of magick.

Merlin looked up at the lake of Avalon and wondered why he was there. Was it the past or the present? All he knew was loneliness and despair.

He wiped the tears from his face but he was still crestfallen.


	6. A Locked Soul (Crestfallen)

**A Locked Soul (Crestfallen)**  
Merlin had never felt this discouraged in his life. It seemed as though all the wind had been knocked out of him.

No one knew who he truly was not even in this lifetime. He kept a part of himself locked away even from him.

He was crestfallen and alone. It seemed he was destined to always be alone. Sitting in the place he had lost Arthur made it all too real for him.

He wiped his tears and looked out over the water. He had been there for hours but it only seemed like minutes.

The cloudy day had turned into a gloomy night.


	7. Dark Of Night (Gloomy)

**Dark Of Night (Gloomy)**  
Even though the day had been gloomy and the sky had threated rain, the night seemed even darker somehow.

Merlin had embraced the gloomy day. It had matched his mood and gave him comfort. He looked around as the sun set and the gloom began to cover him like a blanket.

The trees had turned into black observers. He could feel them watching him, judging him.

He stood up and started to leave but something stopped him. He turned back to the lake and looked at the water.

On the moonless night the water had become luminous. Was it magick?


	8. Magick On The Water (Luminous)

**Magick On The Water (Luminous)**  
Merlin looked around to see if he was alone. He walked to the edge of the lake and put his hand into the water. When he took it out again the water in his hand was glowing as well.

The strange glow was coming from just below the surface. He couldn't see what it was.

There was something very familiar about the luminous lake. It was like a spell long forgotten. Merlin wracked his brain to remember what it was. Try as he might he just couldn't remember.

Merlin began to believe it was some sort of diabolic trick. He looked around again but saw no one.


	9. Wicked? (Diabolic)

**Wicked? (Diabolic)**  
Merlin was sure some diabolic force was behind the magick glow of the lake of Avalon but he saw no one when he looked around.

Even in Camelot's time there were those who sought to use the lake for their evil ends. Merlin was afraid that this was the case now. But who could it be?

Merlin was not foolish as to believe that he was the only one reincarnated into this modern world. There weren't many with this kind of power that he could recall from the past.

Merlin looked at the water again. He could just be mistaken in the source of the luminous quality of the water.

The lake itself was mystical after all.


	10. The Sacred Lake (Mystical)

**The Sacred Lake (Mystical)**  
The lake of Avalon had always been a sacred place. Some believed it to be one of the entrances into the underworld. That was the reason merlin had brought Arthur here. Arthur needed to heal and rest for his next life.

Was the strange glow because Arthur was reincarnated?

"Arthur?" Merlin called out. He no longer believed he was alone on the shores of the lake. He could feel a presence now.

He turned around and looked at the woods behind him. He didn't see anything so he turned back around to the lake.

Standing at the edge of the lake was a woman. She had an ethereal quality about her.


	11. Lady Of The Lake (Ethereal)

**Lady of the Lake (Ethereal)**  
"Hello Merlin." The woman at the edge of the lake said with a smile. She was bathed in an ethereal light. It seemed connected to the magick in the lake.

"Freya?" Merlin looked at her. He was afraid to touch her.

She nodded.

"Do you know why I was drawn here?" Merlin asked.

"Yes. I called to you." Freya looked at him sadly. "Arthur is in the world but he is lost you must find him."

"Where should I look?" Merlin said.

"Follow your heart." Freya said. "Go to him, now."

Merlin didn't want to leave her. Her exquisite beauty held him hostage.


	12. Eternal Bond (Exquisite)

Eternal Bond (Exquisite)  
Freya looked at him as she stood at the edge of the lake of Avalon. "Why are you not leaving?"

"I just want to stay with you." Merlin said. "Freya, I am lost in your exquisite beauty. I miss you."

"I can never leave this lake, Merlin." Freya said sadly. "It is the price I pay for the things that I have done."

"You will always be a part of me." Merlin said. "I carry you in my heart."

Freya looked at him sadly.

Even as she stood before him in her delicate form, she was never more real to him than in that moment.


	13. In His Heart (Delicate)

**In His Heart (Delicate)**  
Merlin and Freya stood at the edge of the lake of Avalon and stared into each other's eyes.

Merlin reached out to touch the delicate vision in front of him. He pulled his hand back. He couldn't bear to disturb the fragile vision in front of him.

"Merlin, you need to find Arthur." Freya said as she looked at his hand hanging in midair.

"I don't want to leave you." Merlin said.

"I will always be here." Freya touched his chest above his heart. "I am part of you."

Merlin looked down at her hand. He could see it but he couldn't feel it. That fascinated him.


	14. Vision, Dream or Nightmare? (Fascinate)

**Vision, Dream or Nightmare? (Fascinate)**  
Merlin stood on the shores of the lake of Avalon with Freya's hand on his chest. He looked at her and realized that she was a vision and not flesh and blood.

The entire experience fascinated him. He was called to the spot where he last saw Arthur by a ghost of a woman he once loved. Now she wanted him to leave and find the reincarnated King.

He was sure he was dreaming. He must have fallen asleep on the shores of the lake. It was the only explanation.

It was more like a nightmare.

"I will not leave until you tell me why I need to find him." Merlin said.

His passionate demand startled Freya.


	15. Impassioned Plea (Passionate)

**Impassioned Plea (Passionate)**  
Merlin stepped back from Freya and threw his hands in the air. "Why should I believe you? Why should I take anything you say as the truth?"

Merlin was passionate in his questions to her. Freya had no choice but to tell him what he wanted to know.

"Arthur is in danger. He will lose his way without you. You must find him and remind him who he is. Without you Merlin, he will not fulfill his destiny in this lifetime." Freya's response was as passionate as Merlin's questions

"What destiny?" Merlin demanded. "We did everything the prophecy said in our other lives."

"Arthur is a leader of men. You must remind him of that. Merlin, people will be hurt maybe even die." Freya said. "Do this for me if not for Arthur."

Merlin held his hands up as if to surrender.


	16. The Lady Returns (Surrender)

**The Lady Returns (Surrender)**  
Freya could see that Merlin wanted to surrender his anger and do as she asked. She could feel the pull of the lake of Avalon. She had stayed too long. She needed to return.

"I have to go, Merlin. Please say you will do as I ask." Freya said sadly.

"I will. Where should I look for Arthur?" Merlin said.

"Look for him where he always was. Look for him at Camelot." Freya said.

"Camelot?" Merlin frowned. Camelot was long gone. There was no sign of the great castle now.

"Goodbye Merlin." Freya said as she surrendered to the lake and let it pull her back down into the murky depths.

"Freya!" Merlin called out but she was already gone. He couldn't even penetrate the water with his gaze.


	17. To Find A King (Penetrate)

**To Find A King (Penetrate)**  
Merlin stood there and let his experience and what Freya had said penetrate his mind. It was a lot to take in.

He looked back at the lake where Freya had returned and it was just water now. The magick had disappeared.

The night sky was black and starless. Merlin looked around and let his eyes adjust to his surroundings. When his eyes could finally penetrate the black forms of the trees and find the path, he started to leave.

He was off to find a lost King. There was a time when he would do anything for Arthur. But would Arthur deserve his devotion now?


	18. Search And Found (Devotion)

**Search And Found (Devotion)**  
Merlin drove for hours until he reached where Camelot once stood. He could see the rise he stood on when he first arrived as a young boy in Camelot in the early light of dawn. It seemed so familiar but it wasn't the same as it was.

Merlin drove as close to where the castle was as he could. He saw a driveway from the road and turned on to it. He hoped this was where Arthur was living.

He wondered if Arthur would remember him and his devotion to him. Even now he felt that same devotion to a King from another time.

Merlin stopped the car and walked up to the large house and knocked on the door.

The door opened and Arthur stood there looking at Merlin in shock. "Merlin, is that you?"

"Yes Arthur. It's me." Merlin couldn't believe how easy it was to find Arthur. It was almost as if the bond between them was magnetic.


	19. Duty And Leadership (Magnetic)

**Duty And Leadership (Magnetic)**  
"How did you find me?" Arthur said as he waved Merlin inside the house.

"I was drawn here. I can't really explain it. It was like it was magnetic." Merlin said.

"Two sides of a coin?" Arthur smirked.

Merlin nodded. "It seems that you need your other side or at least that is what the Lady of the Lake tells me."

"I have has an offer to return to Afghanistan with my unit. I will be their commanding officer" Arthur admitted. "I haven't decided to take it yet."

"Take it Arthur. You are meant to lead men. You will get them through it safely." Merlin said.

"That is what Guinevere says." Arthur said.

"Just remember you are no longer the King." Merlin said. "Try not to be as imperious as you used to be."

Arthur grinned.


	20. Once A King (Imperious)

Once A King… (Imperious)  
Merlin looked at his friend. "I can tell you are imperious just by looking at you."

"Really Merlin? How do you know what I'm like we haven't seen each other in centuries?"

"You will always be the King in your heart. That makes you domineering dictatorial and overbearing. That is the very essence of imperiousness." Merlin teased him.

"I may have changed." Arthur shrugged.

"Do you still love Gwen?" Merlin asked.

"Well yes. I do." Arthur said.

"Where is Gwen anyway?" Merlin asked.

"She is resting. We are having a baby." Arthur said with a big grin.

"Whose idea was it that she takes a lie down?" Merlin asked but he already knew the answer.

"Mine but that proves nothing." Arthur said. "So if I haven't changed then that means you are still a sorcerer."

"I am." Merlin smiled at Arthur's shocked expression.

Gwen rushed into the room and hugged merlin. She was obviously pregnant. "Merlin!"

Seeing Arthur and Gwen together made Merlin feel sort of wistful.


	21. What Might Have Been (Wistful)

What Might Have Been (Wistful)  
Merlin stood in Arthur and Gwen's home and wondered what might have been if he had helped Morgana or If he had been with Arthur on the battlefield at Camlann. He realized it was never going to be the way it should have been.

Merlin thought about the journey that had brought him there from London to the shores of Avalon to a house where Camelot once stood.

Now he was alone and wistful for something he couldn't name. He felt just like he did at the shores of the lake of Avalon. He had said what he needed to say and he started to walk to the door.

"Merlin, where are you going?" Gwen asked.

"Arthur had already made the decision I was sent here to help him with." Merlin said. "I'm going back to London,"

"No you are not." A voice from behind him said.

Merlin turned to face Morgana. She threw her arms around him and suddenly he was not so alone.

"Welcome home, Merlin." Morgana whispered in his ear.

He was truly home now.


End file.
